NLP and The Meta Model. Noticing the Difference Between a Judgement and the Truth, and Why It Matters.
NLP provides a way to become consciously aware of the difference between a judgement and the truth, and the Meta Model provides ways to gently challenge those judgement
One of the big takeaways from NLP is to notice the difference between a judgement and the truth, especially if it affects how you feel about yourself.
We can feel worse about problems if we fail to challenge our thoughts rationally.
The NLP Meta Model provides a way to help make this differentiation. Any statement you make that includes words like ‘should’, ‘must’ or ‘always’ is likely to be a judgement, not a definitive truth.
Psychotherapist Albert Ellis noticed that most of his client’s problems could be broken down into three main judgements they made about themselves, other people or life more generally.
1. I must always do well and be approved of — otherwise I’m worthless.
2. People should treat me fairly and kindly — otherwise they are bad.
3. Life must be easy, fair, and comfortable — otherwise it’s unbearable.
NLP’s Meta Model was a way of copying the question techniques of two other famous therapists: Virginia Satir and Fritz Perls. They would ask their clients to challenge these types of judgements by asking powerful questions:
I must always do well and be approved of — otherwise I’m worthless.
NLP challenge: “Do you know anyone who does not do well all the time and is still valuable?”
“Yes.”
NLP challenge: “Then what might be a more useful belief to hold?’
“I very much prefer to do well, but my worth doesn’t depend on it.”
People should treat me fairly and kindly — otherwise they are bad.
NLP Challenge: “Do you always treat all people well?”
“Well, not always!”
NLP Challenge: “So what might seem a more realistic way of putting it?”
“I want fair treatment, but people don’t have to give it, it doesn’t mean they are a bad person — and I can handle that.”
Life must be easy, fair, and comfortable — otherwise it’s unbearable.
NLP Challenge: “Is it your experience that life is easy, fair and comfortable?”
“No!”
NLP Challenge: “So how would you sum it up so it sounds true to you?”
“Life is often hard and unfair — unpleasant, but not unbearable.”
Usually, it will take a few more Meta Model questions to end up at these conclusions, but I hope the principle of this approach is clear.
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