On relationships he explained a model he uses based on four qualities: lifestyle, sexuality, spirituality and psychodynamics. This is a broader explanation than the popular Imago method which focuses primarily on psychodynamics: i.e. we fall in love with someone who has both the positive qualities and negative qualities of our parents. The four qualities also form a good basis to grow and strengthen a relationship.

Stephen’s reading of poetry, especially the work of Rumi is inspiring. My favourite Rumi poem is called The Guest House:

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honourably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes. because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

Stephen has also created a powerful model for changing state,  by ‘holding’ the dilemma of a client in three distinctly different ways.  He calls these the 3 Minds. Firstly you hold the dilemma in your intellectual or cognitive mind and show you have heard what has been said. You then hold the dilemma in your body or somatic mind.  While you can sense an ‘either/or” intellectually, strangely, you can hold conflicting ideas in your body simultaneously and this has a healing effect upon the client. Lastly, you hold the dilemma in a vast spiritual sense or field mind; suddenly the two issues that are so tormenting your client, appear miniscule in the vast expanse of everythingness. When this is done in the correct way, the client can share this much wider perspective with immediate  and positive changes to their state.

I am very much looking forward to spending more time with Stephen and learning from a true master of personal change.

Generative Coaching Workshop details.


NLP Master Trainer

Share this

What is NLP?

What exactly is neuro linguistic programming? Can it work for me?

learn more

Events & Courses

Find out more about our courses for beginners, professionals and experts.

enrol today

Enjoy this blog?

Read more articles from NLP School's Robbie Steinhouse.

read more